I'm a Survivor..

Oh, my Lord...you have no idea what happened to me today...it was crazy...and hella scary!...my friend here in Samoa decided to take us on a hike because lisa and i have been dying to see the island...little did we know, this hike had lots of dying in it...well, not really...but it could have...and it really wasnt a hike at all...more like a dangerously frightening mountain climb...anyways, this old, wild palagi (thats white man, if you didnt remember) decides to take us on a little adventure...now, our friend jon did warn us about this man, and he told us he likes to just go walking in the rainforest to get lost...and then he likes to find his way back...but lisa and i, naive and seeking adventure, decide to go on one of this man's senseless "hiking" trips...so we begin to climb the mountain...there is no trail...we're just climbing up the ridge of the mountain in dense, thick rainforest bush...you guys have no idea how difficult and scary this was to climb this random, steap as all get-out, fagatogo mountain...here are just a few of the things that horrified me today...

• we, literally, had to put our faith and our fate in the hands of nature...i know that sounds extremely corny, but its extremely true...we had to grab onto every little rock or root or branch or plant that we could get our hands on to...and put our lives into the hands of these natural objects...if it broke or gave way, we'd fall to a horrible death...down, down, down this ginormous mountain...i was so scared that i felt like i was going to puke...my heart, pumping hysterically, felt like it was going to explode...every muscle in my body worked and strained to keep me alive...i realize this sounds overdramatic, but im really not being that...i was really scared for my life...especially when i grasped a branch and was pretty much hanging from it, feet dangling, and a wasp began to fly around my hand...thank the heavenly lord almighty christ there wasnt a hive or something...oh, then there was biting red ants everywhere...it was pretty much rock climbing...every once in a while, we'd slip down the mountain and, thankfully and luckily, catch a root or plant on the way down...thats when i'd pee in my pants...not really...but symbolically...

• we also had to put our faith and fate into this old kook of a palagi...he had no idea where he was taking us...and he was also sooooo old that it seemed like he was going to keel over and die any moment...we were pretty much lost for 3 hours...if you've ever watched that show "I Shouldnt Be Alive", thats what it was like (and if you havent, start! great show...)...its a real life survival story show that always starts with people hiking into the woods and then losing their tour guide and then slowly dying and suffering tragically painful deaths...and only some survive...hence the title...thats what kept popping into my mind as we climbed and fell and trudged through the rainforest/mountain...i thought we'd be lost and stuck forever...and we were very angry with the old man...we trusted him and he was responsible for us...and he should have not taken us on such a dangerous, perilous "hiking" trip...especially since it was our first time...

• when we had to go down the mountain (we finally found an actual trail...though still a risky, treacherous trail), we had to traverse...you heard me right...fricken traverse down a slippery, steap, straight-down cliff of a mountain!!!...TRAVERSE!...thats like where you climb backwards down a steap grade using a rope...and this rope wasnt something we brought and tied...it was there already...there were no caribeaners or straps or buckles...just a rope hanging from a tree descending down a slick, daunting slope...yes, i put my life in the hands of a old, random rope on the side of a samoan mountain...i was crying inside...i was so horrified to fall to my death that the only way to express it is this...

• i dont know if you all remember my other death defyingly horrific experience at the river up north...im sure chase does...and shawn, suzy, and the roelkes...anyways, chase and i almost drowned...techincally, it was more chase...but i was sooo scared for his life that i didnt know what to do...i felt like i was gonna die, too...its hard to explain, but this "hiking" trip was a lot like that feeling...a feeling and fear of death and mortality that is suffocating,desperate, and menacing...this feeling of "i really dont want to die today" ran through every vein and cell of my body...you guys have never seen me sweat or swear (well, i didnt really swear...i just said "okay", "gosh", "alright", "where's the escalator down", etc.) so much...it was truly terrifying, and when we got to the bottom, i literally felt like scrooge on christmas morning...renewed and reinvigorated...and also happy as hell to be alive...i kept waving to all the village children and saying hello and smiling...i wanted to french kiss the level, safe, and warm ground...once again, you may think im over exagerating...but im not...i really thought i was going to die today...i think im gonna take a little break on the extreme sports...mountain climbing is not my thing...but on the other hand...

• i did feel really happy and proud of myself that i did it...like i said, i felt so joyful to be alive at the end...which made looking back at the mountain we climbed with pride and fondness...i actually wouldnt have minded going back up and trying again...though i was exhausted, mentally and physically, i can definetly see why extreme sporters love to do death defying activities...like sky diving and spelunking...it makes your adrenaline explode with fear, excitement, and adventure...nothing like a good dose of "your mortality IS REAL"...and when i think its fake again, ill decide to take a hike with the crazy old samoan palagi...but dont worry, it wont be happening anytime soon (if at all)...ill stick to teaching and reading books...im such a nerd...but im alive...thats all that counts, right?...

k, i need this to be a short post...but i really quickly wanna tell you guys that i also went paddling on friday...thats where you go out on this long canoe-type boat and paddle with about 3 or 4 other people into the middle of the ocean...also, kind of a scary thing...going over the waves was cool...and i got a good workout...its harder and more tiring than you'd think...usually the team likes to jump out of the boat in the middle of the ocean and go for a quick swim...i was really scared of doing that...especially of those darn sting-ray thingys (is that what killed the crocodile hunter?)...but none of them wanted to go swimming that night...though i was scared at first of the deep, dark, dangerous ocean, i actually wanted to jump in because i was so hot from paddling...and the ocean was the perfect temperature...warm like bath water...and the mountains and pago pago harbor were absolutely gorgeous at sunset...breathtaking...i couldnt take my eyes off of it...anyways, i gotta go now...starting this week, im gonna be exceedingly busy...im teaching a SAT course monday, tuesday, and wednesday mornings before school...then a tutoring class after school on tuesdays and thursdays (their idea of tutoring is with a class of 30 freshman...sorry, but thats not tutoring!...lil bastards...)...and then im paddling monday, wednesday, and friday nights...then of course i have my classes of 150 students during the day...and other extra-curricular activities...and cleaning my house...and shopping...and grading papers...yeah, am i stressing you out, too?...well, i suppose its a good thing though...i need to keep myself busy here...not only cause i want to immerse myself into the island and its culture and people...but also because it keeps my mind off of you guys...and i mean that in a nice way :-)

k, bye ya'll...love ya and miss ya!

-JOE

p.s. special shout out tonight for my aunt carla...thanks for sending me the pics from the land...the couples pic with the roelkes is great...thanks, again!...keep sending me pics from home...

p.s.s. speaking of extreme sports, i should get into "extreme ironing"...have you guys ever heard of this sport?...well, ironing has become my one comfort zone here...honestly, its an O.C.D...every night before i go to bed i iron my clothes for the next day...and i iron damn good!...every crease and wrinkle is destroyed with my awesome ironing abilities...im usually sweating by the time im done...its an art...and a battle i wage every night...and its also the one thing i can control and take comfort in here...just me and my iron...humble warriors crusading against imperfections...just me and my iron...at peace and satisfied...my iron and i, singing in harmony...serenity now!...i might be losing my mind here, but my iron and what i do with my iron pleases me to the bone...oh, and as i was saying...since ive had my brush with extreme sports...and i adore and respect the skill of ironing...i should so do "extreme ironing"...here's a link...tell me what you think...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extreme_ironing

p.s.s. ill be showing pics of our splendid "hike" eventually...and i got some good pics of a real village...well, one in the city...but its still pretty fascinating and wonderous to see...

"If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your
envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears."

-Glenn Clark