The Post Bursting with Emotion!

Hey, everybody!...this is gonna be a short post...because im busy and sick of writing...oh, and i dont really have that much to say today...its been sort of a humdrum work week if you know what i mean...and im sure you dont want to hear about all my lesson planning and grading and classroom management issues...surprisingly, i think im getting over the honeymoon stage here...i mean, its still exciting and i learn something new everyday, but its beginning to become a day-to-day monotony of work and chores and errands...which is nice...a sense of normalcy and procedure makes me feel safe and comfortable, and it also makes time go by fast...but it also can be kinda boring...i guess thats life, huh?...

Well, here are some more pics of pago pago harbor...this is where i go paddling...which has been fun but i havent gone for the last two sessions...dont ask me why...ill just say, samoans are hard to depend on...oh yeah, remind me to talk about my issues of dependency for the next post...

...the pic below is one of the government signs they have posted all over the island...we just thought this one was kinda funny...these types of signs would be laughed at in the U.S...i guess teen pregnancy is a problem here but i havent really observed it as being one...i had a lot more pregnant girls in my classes in milwaukee than i do here...in fact, i dont have any in my classes at tafuna...this could be because the girls are made to stay home and not finish school if they get pregnant...like ive said, parents here are VERY strict and they pretty much own their children until they die...and they live with you and can tell you what to do for the rest of your life...which i admire in some ways (hell, in america parents are forgotten and left to rot alone in old folks homes)...but it also can be an infringement on personal independence and rights...we have many samoan 35 year old friends, mostly women, who cannot go out because they are not married yet...and one of my students was sick for like three days (he had boils, which apparently happens randomly to unsuspecting islanders)...he told me his mother gave him work to do all day...like academic school work...i almost started laughing...i never heard of that before...and once again, im on the fence on the issue...it is kinda mean to make your sick child work...but, at the same time, it can only make your kid smarter and more disciplined, right?...all i know is, if my mom would have made me work when i was sick from school, i wouldnt have faked it as much!...just kidding, ma...i never faked sick...not really...i mean...what'd i just say?...

anyways, i do wanna talk about two things...and they dont really have anything to do with american samoa...

1. ive heard theres some people who are hating on my "lack of emotion" in my blog...true, i might not sound emotional in my posts, but i truly think that thats my personality...now, i understand that that might not be a good thing...i mean, im sure some of you big psychology buffs (thats you, Cryoming) would encourage me to spill my emotions with no inhibition and no fear...just express them, damn it!...but i partly think that its just in my persona or nature to be somewhat "detached"...thats kinda a bad word for it...you know what im trying to say...ever since i was little i was always able to step back, look at a situtation or experience from a distance, and see the whole picture...in a sense, like i said, i can "detach" myself from an experience...did that make any sense at all?...ive never really let my emotions control or seize me...ive always been in control of them...and i dont think that i have this need to control them because im afraid to express them (once again, psychologists discuss), but i honestly think that i can look at something or experience something in life and see both sides...or all sides for that matter...i can remove myself from the circumstances and react using reason...i guess what im struggling to say is, since ive been here i havent really had any strong, passionate feelings of love or hate or anger or frusteration or sadness for the island...im usually on the fence...i can observe my experience here on the island with a 50/50 attitude...and i think ive looked at my life like that, too...and i havent had any major emotional breakdowns yet...so i think im doin pretty good...

(...on the other hand, you could also say that i dont "show", or even "feel", my emotions because im afraid to encounter them...or because im afraid of conflict...or that my emotions will start a conflict...which i so am...i dont like to ruffle any feathers...thats another characteristic of mine that ive had since i was little...sometimes our family life was like walking on broken glass...and i always made sure that i swept up the glass or, at least, didnt break any...i wanted everything to be clean, stable, and calm...and broken-glass-less...and i probably felt that my emotions would break some glass, so to speak...thats probably also why i immersed myself in tv, movies, writing, and imaginary worlds...yes, i made noises in my room...you got something to say about that!?!...but these things distanced myself from my emotions...or, maybe, they helped me deal with them on my own terms...with no glass breaking...anyways, thats the other side of my distant or emoionless nature...once again, im on the fence with this issue...and go ahead, pick my brain...you mine as well do it while im millions of miles away... ;-) )

k, that was a bunch of gibberish...i tried to explain myself as best as possible...im still gonna get the complaint of "he's not showing us his emotions"...id like to see you all have a public journal for the whole world to see...what would your emotions be then?...huh?...wise guys!... :-)

...ya'll just have to embrace my "emotionless" rants here on the blog...im being rational...and judicious...and you betta like it!

2. ive heard theres a email going around about how i want/need stuff...i dont...i mean, sure...some stuff might be nice (home decor, tv on dvd, clothes from brookfield square, grooming supplies, etc.)...but i really dont want or need it...im just extremely happy and thankful and blessed that so many of you check out my blog to see how my life is goin...and many of you send me cards and pics (big shout out to dana and the roelkes!)...thats all i want...instead of sending me things, put some money in my "joe's home for chirstmas wish" fund...dont give it to the cancer society or anything like that...my fund truly needs it :-)

...alright you guys...im gonna head on out for the night...i know this was a boring blog...and not a very well written one...the next one will be better...i promise...even the lover of writing gets sick of it sometimes...and gets writer's block, too...love ya and miss ya...

-JOE

"There is only one journey. Going inside yourself."

-Rainer Maria Rilke