Shore Me the Money...

Good evening, blog readers...sup?...oh, im doin alright here...this blog is gonna be pretty random...a mixed bag of my weekly columns...so, lets begin right away...

first of all, the pictures in this blog entry are of a beach here in american samoa...its called "two dollar beach"...its a public beach owned by a local family...they usually charge people 2 dollars to swim there but we got in for free because we knew the family that was having a birthday party there...this is probably my most favorite beach that ive been to down here in the south pacific...i loved it...it was beautiful...the sandy shore line was perfect...and there was no dangerous under tows or strong waves...it has this lovely, comfortable, and safe little wading pool to relax in...and the most significant reason why i loved this beach?...because it was so easy to get to!...there was no long, treacherous hike...it was right on the side of the road...it was sorta a lengthy drive but it was worth it...i adore this beach...hence the title of this blog..."show me the two dollar beach!"...

notice the exquisite island in this picture...that was another reason why i loved this beach...the magical little piece of land that rose from the sea made the beach seem exotic and adventerous...

Tiffany's Embarassing Story:

since tiffany hasnt been leaving me any messages, im gonna tell all y'all a humiliating story about her...its actually not that bad but i couldnt really think of anything...so yeah...anyways, there was this one time when tiffany went out on a date with this norwegian guy...yes, he was seriously from norway and i guess he was a foreign exchange student from her high school days...i, of course (being the most nosy friend of all time!), told tiffany to call me after the date and let me know how it went...well, lets just say she called the next morning while her lil' norwegian secret was in the shower...i still make fun of her to this day...i mean, who else has a norwegian secret?...yeah, thats what i thought...she's the only one...and that makes her very, very special ;-)

the food at this party was amazing...i sound like im over-exagerating...but its true...its probably because i only eat ramen noodles and hamburger helper and cheese sandwiches...but this barbeque had spaghetti and garlic bread...and yummy chili...and sausage dogs...and moist, frosting-covered cake...oh, it was the best meal ive had in a while...

I Think I Might've Killed a Dog:

okay, this isnt a new weekly column...i hope this happens only once while im here...let me just say this immediately because i dont wanna upset any dog lovers...im a dog lover...theyre probably my favorite animal...i mean, theyre smart and brave and loyal and cute and warm and wonderful..."marley and me" is one of my favorite books for cryin out loud!...dogs + me = best friends...however, theres this dog thats been my worst nightmare here on island...seriously, its like cujo...without the sweaty, screaming mother and son locked in a car...this dog, named taffy (i know his name because its actually our friend's dog), keeps following me...it follows me to work and to home and it even sleeps in our laundry area...this wouldnt be a problem if the dog was cute and fuzzy...but he's the complete opposite...he smells rancid...literally, like death...he's mangy and diseased and revolting...half the time he's bleeding from random places...and his eyes are all blood shot...and he walks funny and shakes his head two and fro...i think he might have something wrong with his brain...mad dog or something...did i mention he reaks like diarrhea?...so, taffy has totally ruined our laundry room...remember how i loved playing ping pong?...well, we cant play anymore because the table, which taffy likes to sleep on, smells horrendously...it even has a spot on it from taffy's dreadfully repugnant juices...taffy even, as i said, follows me to school...leaving his nasty smell in my wake...he even lies down outside my classroom!...and everyone asks me, "is that your stinky ass dog?!"...it began to make me so angry that i threw rocks at him...but he still was like a leech (sucking the life and soul right outta me) and he'd go wherever i went...i finally called his owner (at two in the morning!) and told her that she's gotta do something with taffy...the next morning she told me she was gonna have him euthenized and put to sleep...i actually thought this was a great idea...i know taffy wasnt living a very happy life...not only did he get rocks thrown at him (by me and everyone else in the village), but he also seemed a little mental...and extremely sick...ive even seen some of the neighborhood dogs attack him because he was so weak and fragile...and im sure he was lonely and sad...but then taffy's owner told me how they were gonna kill the dog...she said, "yeah, theyre just gonna come to the school in the morning and put the shot in him and put him in the bag"...i was like, "the bag?!...they just put him in a bag?!...there's no goodbyes or last pettings?...(although i dont think youd ever want to touch the animal!)...theres not even a table that they put him on?...or a coffin?...they just shoot him up with death and throw him in a bag?!"...as you can tell, i was a tad bit shocked by this...and then i felt guilty...i murdered taffy!...im going to hell...i killed a doggie with my own bare hands...well, not quite...i just need to show y'all how ashamed and emotional i feel...i still think heaven is a better place for taffy...but a bag!?...oh, my lord...i think i mightve killed a dog!...

what was really cool about this beach was how the tide came in...if you examine the images closely, youll see different ranges of the shore line...for example, at 12:00 there was very little water and waves on the beach...look at the picture of the boy finding shells above...and by 2:00 the beach was filled with cool, blue, refreshing ocean water...the picture below of the girl is the same exact spot that that boy was looking for shells a couple of hours earlier...it was kinda surreal to encounter the tide as such a living, breathing, and changing natural entity...

I Want My Kids To Be Just Like This Student:

last time i told you guys how i wanted my children to be like a student of mine who loves to read...well, this time id like to inform y'all of an amazing student named sammy...he's an inspiring young man...he's not that great at english...in fact, we sometimes have a difficult time communicating with eachother...but he's still in my advanced course and he's a member of the national honors society...and thats because he puts all his heart and passion in the class...he puts so much heartfelt effort into his work and extra credit that im left astounded by his exertion...but theres more...his dad is awfully sick with cancer...and his treatment cannot be done here on island (like many critical patients)...sammy's dad and mom are in atlanta getting treatment...theyve been gone for about a year now...sammy, a 16-year-old boy, is taking care of the house and his little brother all by himself...he cooks, cleans, and cares for his lil' bro...making sure he gets to school and does his homework and bathes...and he does all of this completely independantly...all alone...i always talk to him about this and he always tells me that he "misses his parents greatly"...i cant imagine being in his shoes...especially when i was a teenager...i mean, when i was in high school i was being stupid and skipping school and drinking and sucking face with purple skull bongs...i couldnt imagine having this kind of adult responsibility...let alone deal with the heartache of a dying parent and an absent family...and then there's sammy...who is managing all of this and still putting an intense amount of energy and passion into his education...its awe-inspiring...and id like my kids to be just as responsible and brave and independant and passionate as this student...

of course, just like last time, how do i teach my kids to be like sammy?...is that something taught or inherited?...or is that something that comes with tragedy and hard times?...

those are two of the tuala boys...theyre from the tuala family...this family has been tremendously kind to me...and ive grown close to them a lot...i spent thanksgiving with them and have had plenty of dinners with them and went to church with them...and went to the beach and waterfall with them...and much, much more...and geno, the guy in the top picture, is a student of mine...theyve just been like a family to me while ive been here...and when i leave im gonna get them a nice gift to tell them how grateful i am...theyre awesome...

yet again, look at the tide rising in the preceding three pictures...thats the same lagoon/pool area at the beach...and look how the water rose throughout the day...this secluded pool spot was like a wave pool youd see at noahs ark...it was pretty rad...and the water was gorgeously clear and blue...

before i give you my top five obsessions, i wanted to enlighten y'all on how important and influential i am...a few weeks ago i put cormac mccarthy's book "the road" as my top obsession...well, guess who was listening and reading my blog?...oprah winfrey!...yup, even she is getting all that she reads and watches and listens to off of my blog...she has just chosen this heartwrenchingly dark novel for her book club...man, im so powerfully influential!...so, now you know how vital it is to read my samoa joe blog...and how crucial it is to be uplifted by my obsessions...(mom, maybe you can record the oprah episode since youve read the book, too?)...

My Top Five Obsessions of the Week:

5. The Claire Danes/Patrick Wilson Gap Commercial = you guys have probably seen this commercial a million times and dont even acknowledge the charm of it anymore...but remember that i dont have tv...i only get my commercials from youtube...anyways, this energetic, bright, and happy advertisement has claire danes (my ex so-called girlfriend) and patrick wilson (from angels in america) dancing vivaciously to a bubbly broadway hit...i dont know how this is selling gap clothes, but it definetly sells its stars...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmKacuH_xOU

4. Katherine Heigl as Izzie Stevens on Grey's Anatomy = i know, i was just complaining about how this show "sold-out" a few weeks back...im still not that impressed with this season...and im not quite sure how i feel about the whole izzie and george having sex thing...but there's no doubt that this girl can act...and she's practically stolen the show...i mean, it should be called "izzie's anatomy"...she's funny and comedic in one scene and then depressed and heartbroken in the next...her character is consistently human and real and emotional...yes, she's annoying, too...but arent all people?...only she could make the storyline of george and izzie having sex believable and easier to swallow...i dont know...i just think she's become the authentic star of the show...

3. Sad Kermit = i cant decide if im horribly traumatized by this new kermit or highly amused...if you ever wondered what this muppet would be like if he became a miserable, drug-addicted loser, then watch the following video clip...our childhood green frog, coping with the death of jim henson, does crack, masterbates, gives fonzie a blowjob...oh, hell...i cant even tell you guys the rest...its hilariously disturbing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLQRv0RjBBM
www.sadkermit.com

www.myspace.com/sadkermit

2. "She's Like the Wind" and "The Way I Live" = these are my two current jams...im rockin the head, night at the roxberry-style, to these hip hop tunes..."She's Like the Wind" by Lumidee is almost as good as the patrick swayze version...it has a lot more spunk and sexiness...and itll make you grind your hips like crazy..."The Way I Live" by Baby Boy Da Prince is my theme song...im such a wanna-be gangsta when i listen to this ghetto-rific, rap anthem...these are the two spring break songs of the year...you can almost taste senior frogs and cancun and wet t-shirt contests when you krump out to them...

1. America's Next Top Model = okay, im obsessed with another reality show...shoot me...im a sucker...give me a reality show about fashion or food or design or modeling and im so there...i love this show...i especially love the creativity and art that goes into the photography and modeling...and the chick drama doesnt hurt either!...though ive watched marathons of this show on VH1, this is my first official season ive watched religiously, and im not regretting it at all...this is my favorite show on tv...its glamorously addictive...

k, im outtie for the night...leave me a message about today's post...what do you think of two dollar beach?...do you have a norwegian secret?...do you believe i killed taffy inhumanely?...how do i get my own kids to be like sammy?...and what do you think of my obsessions?...is greys anatomy, with everybody hooking up, becoming a friends?...should george and izzie be together?...and how do you feel while watching kermit puke?...let me know...or else an embarassing story about you is coming your way...

love ya and miss ya,

-JOE

"It is not down in any map; true places never are."

-Herman Melville