Father Neman Knows Best...

Sup, y'all...Are you ready for another blog entry?...Eh, me neither...But lets begin anyways and get this damn thing over with ;-)

So, the pictures on today's blog entry were taken around Christmas time...In fact, the image above was snapped on Christmas morning...I'll talk about that in a bit...I'll also be asking you guys for some advice on parenting...And maybe we'll have time for a Top Five I'd like y'all to participate in...So much happening, and so little blog space...

It's that time again!...Everybody's favorite gameshow!..."How Many Fafafines?"...Guess the amount of fafafines in the image above and I'll give you a shoutout on the next entry...Who are the he-shes?...Be careful...It's tricky...

Oh, and speaking of gameshows...Watch this awkward yet amusing clip of Bob Barker hatin' on Samoans...I always did think Bob Barker was Satan...And he's a racist, too!...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oiwvu90v4RE&NR=1

These photos are of the Tafuna High School staff Christmas party...It started out as a pretty boring night with some crappy food...But then it got interesting...More on that in a moment...

This is when I warn all of you squeamish cats out there that the following information may be difficult to read...In other words, skip this section if you do not wanna hear about my sex life...My sad, somewhat interesting sex life...

The picture above and the following pair were taken at Sadie's...It's a resort on the beach in Pago Pago...They were taken the morning after...You see, Annie Anderson, my "Samoan mom" (I call her that because she's a sweet old woman who has been extremely kind to me), brought her nephew to the staff party...He was a thirty-something Samoan living in Seattle who happened to be gay...Well, needless to say, we hit it off and he had a room...I'll spare y'all on the details...After a morning quickie, I snuck out while he grabbed a bite to eat at the continental breakfast...I took his pack of Eclipse bubble gum in my grand exit...I've become a rascally rabbit since being on this island...I mean, how classy is that?...Hit 'n' run AND steal their bubble gum!...What has become of me!?...Hell, at least I got a warm shower and an AC night's sleep...Oh, and a minty fresh breath...

There's the beautiful nativity scene my mama bought be last year...My very first nativity scene...It's my most cherished Christmas decoration...I don't even believe in the Bible yet the story of Joseph and Mary and Jesus always did captivate me...Besides, why would I not like a nativity scene that can substitute for action figures?...It's like Barbie dolls or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...Cept with the humble ninjas of Bethlehem...

Okay, so this was a funny moment...I made the Fuamination participate in the Neman family tradition of singing Happy Birthday to Jesus on Christmas morning before gift opening...At first I thought the boys were gonna kill me...They seemed embarrased to belt out a tune to a small procelain baby Jesus...But they actually did it...I don't know if it's because they truly wanted to celebrate the birth of our savior...Or if it's just because I threatened them with "no presents if they didn't sing"...

I am officially the nerdiest fuam alive...I couldn't really afford nice gifts for all the boys on Christmas...I mean, I had Hawaii to pay for among other things...However, I did treat each of them to a stocking...A stocking filled with nerdy items...Like any parent or English teacher, I thought giving the boys things they actually needed would be smarter than frivilous presents like clothes and video games...I stuffed their stockings with grooming supplies like toothbrushes and toothpaste and deorderant and body spray...I also stuffed some paper and pens and fruits and minty gum in them, too...The boys, I think, actually dug the geeky treats...They knew as well that it was junk they actually needed...

Gene got me a six pack of Diet Coke...Man, he knows me well...The best Christmas gift EVER!...By the way, notice the non-star atop our tannenbaum...Only the Fuamusos would have Superman soaring above their Christmas pine...

Alright, now I need some advice...Let me just first say that these Senior fuams I have on my hands bring me a ton of stress...I mean, Senior year of high school sucks...I think it does for everybody...And I can especially observe Sammy and Gene are sick of school and friends and the island...They're antsy and anxious...They're wannabe men in teenage putio bodies...Anyways, they've been bringin' me stress because this anxiousness for adulthood has recently been turning into irresponsible behavior...The main gist of the problem I am having is whether or not I should be a parent figure or friend figure to them...

For example, Gene has had a girlfriend for the past five months or so...They have, of course, been having sex...And I, being Gene's palagi friend/role-model/daddy-fuam, have talked to Gene many, many times about being safe...I've even given him many of my rubbers...(Is that good parenting?...Discuss)...A few weeks ago he told me that he has had sex several times without a condom...And then he said his girlfriend "missed her period"...He told me this while I was peacefully eating dinner...I nearly spit out my food and screamed at the child..."What the 'beep' do you think you're doing?!"...I was infuriated...One reason I was so angry was that I cover for the kid...You see, his mom doesn't know he goes to his boo's crib almost every night...In fact, I don't even think she knows he has a lady friend...Let alone a sex buddy...If anything were to happen to him and his girlfriend, like say oh have a baby, I'd feel hella liable...I'd suffer forever with guilt...Here I was knowing he was having unprotected sex and I didn't do anything about it...Besides yell at him...He kept responding to me by saying the classic "but it feels better without one"...And "I pull out!"...I told him, with careful honesty, that "of course it feels better...I did the same thing when I was your age...But you gotta be cautious...You do not want to have a baby right now!"...(Note: Gene's girlfriend did end up having her period...Thank the Almighty Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Lord Mary Mother of God!)...On top of this stress Gene gives me, Sammy got drunk on a school night last week!...This is by far the first time Sammy has ever gotten drunk...He had such a bad hangover the next day he didn't go to school...He didn't tell anybody this except for me...Remember, it's only him and his lil' bro at their house...He also said "I'm never gonna drink like that again"...I scolded him, but as with Gene, I couldn't get too enraged because I did the same things they did when I was in high school...Really, I began doing these things much earlier...And I did much worse things...I smoked from purple skull bongs in the morning at parks before school!...So, how can I get pissed off with this relatively harmless teenage rebelliousness...Nevetheless, I love these guys...I am constantly worried about them...I am consistently calling them...And grilling them with questions when they get home..."Where were you?"..."What were you doing?"...The difficult part is that I am neither their parent or their friend...I'm kinda in between these two...I'm more than just a friend because I truly believe I take care of them...But I wouldn't consider myself their father because they have their own deceased ones...And this is where the problem lies...

I'm afraid that if I become angry and lecture and scold them too much (which I feel I have been doing a lot of lately) that they will stop telling me the truth about their lives...The other day I guess the boys got into a minor fight with some rival Samoana boys...They neglected to tell me...I'm sure it's because they knew I would've blown up at them...I would've shamed them with my pointer finger and said "fighting is stupid, you guys!"...They knew this, and didn't tell me...Since I'm getting pretty good with my Samoan I understood they were talking about it one night and yelled at them for it...I want to remain that friend that they can tell everything to...I know they'd never tell their parents these things...The boys tell me all the time palagi parents are different..."Palagis talk to their kids and have compassion for their misbehaviors"..."Samoan parents just beat the crap outta them"...I want to be that person they come and discuss their experiences and thoughts with...But I love them way too much to just watch them behave irresponsibly...So, what do I do?...Do I continue to nag at them and scold them when they get into trouble?...Or should I just listen to them talk and try to give them advice?...Is there a healthy medium?...All I know is that my two Samoan bradas are alright...They're maken' some mistakes and they're dyin' to get outta high school...I can relate to that...And I want them to know that I can...But that doesn't mean I won't discipline them...

My Top Five Books of All Time:

5. The Giver by Lois Lowry = An absolutely beautiful book about living life to the emotionally fullest...

4. The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver = A heartbreaking, adventerous story about a family of missionaries in Africa...

3. I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb = An epic Oprah's Book Club selection about twin brothers and their powerful, life-long bond...

2. Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer = Wanna know why I left home and came to a random island in the South Pacific?...Read this true life story...

1. Lives of the Monster Dogs by Kirsten Bakis = I have been waiting patiently for about 7 years now for this author to come out with her second novel...This, her first one, is a fascinating, dazzlingly creative sci-fi novel about dogs who build a castle in a futuristic New York City...It's not only about dogs with gloves...It's about being human and the incredible loneliness of it...

So, as much as I was homesick this past Christmas, I feel it was one of the most special of my life...I will never experience a Christmas morning like I did with the Fuamination again...I missed my family...But it was a wonderful, exceptionally unique Christmas 2007...I'll always cherish it...

What do you guys think?...How many fafafines were there?...Do you think Bob Barker is a racist devil?...What'd ya think of my staff Christmas party sex story?...Was it totally bitchy of me to runaway and steal his bubble gum?...And how do you feel I should treat these boys?...Should I worry so much?...Should I be a friend?...Or a parent?...And what are some of your favorite books of all time?...Give me some suggestions because I need something to read!...Oh, and what'd you think of the Fuamination Christmas?...I betcha you wish you coulda been there!?...I'm sure glad I was...

Love ya and miss ya...

-JOE

"Will there be any honies there? I'm sick of sleeping with girls as big as Savai'i."

-from 2006's Samoan Wedding