I Was On the Back of a Milk Carton...

Wow, everybody...I really apologize...I was gone for a long time...And I didn't give y'all a warning or explanation...Well, I'm not missing...I wasn't kidnapped...Or murdered...Or abducted by aliens...So, I wasn't on a milk carton like my blog entry states...(Sorry, but it's always been kinda a dream of mine to have my picture on a milk carton...Or at least a Wheaties box)...Anyways, my computer suddenly was taken over by a virus...And I needed to get it healed and fixed...It seems like everything is smooth now...It's working fast...And I'm a happy boy once again...Today's post should be short because I have nothing to write about...It's been a boring life lately...I have a few ideas of what to write about...And I'll probably describe some of the final pictures from Kristy and I's Hawaiian adventure...Okay, folks!...Say it together now..."Lets begin!"...

These pictures were snapped at the top of Diamond Head in Waikiki...Let me just warn all of you who are planning a trip to Oahu and are thinking of hiking to the top of this famous mountain...Don't do it!...It was horrid...I mean, the hike wasn't too bad...Believe you me, I've hiked much more treacherous and exhausting trails in American Samoa...This trail was actually paved and had stairs!...The most atrocious portion of this tourist destination was supposed to be the best part...When you finally arrive to the top, there were so many people you couldn't even enjoy the breathtaking view...There were probably fifty people on this small peak,..And then there was a blazing sun and annoying, biting bugs flying all over the place...It was literally hell on earth...You see, I'm used to hiking dangerous, tiring mountains...But the difference is that in Samoa you are rewarded with a beautiful, peaceful, enjoyable scene from the top of the world...And then you can sit at the peak for as long as you want...In total serenity...This hike in Waikiki was the opposite...Diamond Head was a nightmare!...

So, I got this infection on my eye...Don't worry, it's not a big deal...It actually just seems like a sty...And if you know me, you'd know I've gotten "stys in my eye" many times...But I guess this is more of a Samoan infection...A Samoan Sty in the Eye Remix, I suppose...It's red and swollen...And I have a lil' bump on the lid...It kinda hurts but it's not too bad...I guess it's from the sun or something...I see Samoans with them all of the time...I'm actually kinda proud of it because now I've been blessed with a Samoan infection!...I'm becoming more and more Samoan everyday!...The funny thing is how many of my Samoan friends have given me some very interesting remedies to cure this eye infection...Now, I have been informed of these wild homegrown, natural medicines the native Samoans would use ages ago...And many Samoans still use them...In fact, many Samoans still swear by their effectiveness...I've heard about special tea leaves and exceptional massages and raw tonics made from coconut husks...Of course, these remedies seem crazy to a palagi man's infected eye, but I'm sure they work...Afterall, Samoans have used 'em for thousands of years...So far I have heard that to heal my infected eye I should reach my left hand over my head (like I'm putting a contact in) and push the sty outta my eye with my pointer finger...I've also heard that I should take a blunt object (like the eraser of a pencil) and rub it downwards toward my cheek...But by far the most hilarious suggestion I heard was from one of my students...In all seriousness he told me to put a "faipapa'u" on it...He didn't laugh or anything as he said this...I was like "what the heck is a 'faipapa'u'?"...He struggled to find the words in English...He was like "Um, er, it's like, a, you know, a penis with the skin still on"...I said, shocked, "A uncircumcised penis?!"...He was all like "Yeah...It works!"...I'm like "Huh?...What, you put it on your eye or something?"...And he said "Yeah...You put the head of the uncircumcised penis on the bump"...I started laughing...He just looked at me like I was making fun of a ancient, effective Samoan therapy...He was utterly sincere in this suggestion...I still laughed and told him I'll probably just "wait it out"..."It'll heal itself" I told him...That's one tactic I will not be using anytime soon...Or, at least, on purpose ;-)

My Top Five Obsessions of the Week:

5. Snickers = I was never really a candybar fan...I mean, I always did think Reeses Peanut Cups were orgasms covered in chocolate...But I never realized the lovliness of a Snickers bar...Until I became fat...I have crossed over to the peanuty, caramal covered dark side...And I'm never turnin' back...

4. "Anyone Else But You" from Juno = I won't be able to see Juno, the hella popular independent Best Picture nominee, until it comes out on video...But this finale song sung by the wonderful Michael Cera and Ellen Page is simply one of the most romantic, charming songs EVER!...It changes every week, but I think this is my new wedding song!...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBDbUVXXp-U

3. Superbad = From the makers of Knocked Up and The 40-Year-Old Virgin comes this hilariously naughty yet heartwarming flick about two hormonal teenage boys who are BFFs...Maybe it's because they remind me of the Fuamination, but I found this comedy, now on video, to be genuine and bust-a-gut funny...The cherry on top?...McLovin and a five minute segment of cartoon dicks...

2. Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer = Who knew Mormons were so psychotic?...One of my most favorite writers has cracked open the secret file on Mormonism...And it's shockingly fascinating...It's as much an exploration of Christian fundamentalists as it is of the creation of a singular American religion...You thought I was an atheist before?...Um, now I am times two!...

1. 2nd Half Christmas Clip on YouTube = My sister Shawn actually posted this viral vid a while ago...But I just watched it yesterday and it's fricken great...Not only does it remind me of my excellent family (I never appreciated my mom's family's side's willingness to have fun and be cheerful at get-togethers until recently), but it's also a humorous little character study on just some of the loved ones I hold so dear back in Wisconsin...Although the sound quality sucks, I still smile uncontrollably when watchin' it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Mt-MNrKsvw

The following few images are of Pearl Harbor...It was an alright tourist spot, but, to be frank, I was expecting a little more...I mean, I thought we'd at least be able to go on one of the ships or something cool like that...Nevertheless, count on Sifi Neman to take some gorgeous pictures...Sole, I should be a professional photographer...

So, it took about a week for the place to fix my laptop...It was toture waitin' for it to be cured of the virus...This computer is my life...I listen to music on it...Watch TV on it...Keep in touch with family on it...Do work on it...Write this here blog on it...I do everything on it...But I'm feelin' a lil' guilty...You see, I took it to a place called Pacific Products, and when I took it in there was a palagi and a Samoan behind the counter...I was glad there was a palagi guy there...I know, I know...It's so bad, but I trusted the professionalism, education of a palagi more than the Samoan...Even the boys, who are obviously Samoan, were like, "Neman, is the guy fixin' your computer a Samoan?...Because then your computer is in trouble...Samoans are dumb asses"...Well, I handed over my laptop secretly hoping the palagi would be fixing it...He didn't...In fact, I don't think the palagi touched it...Everytime I called and would come in to check up on the comp the Samoan would be there answering my questions and listening to my concerns...And when I noticed that my 900 songs were missing, I almost went beserk...I was all "I knew I shouldn't have had a Samoan fix my beloved laptop!"...However, on Friday I picked up the computer, and was pleasantly surprised with the work done on it...The laptop was virus-free...And fast as all get-out...And the Samoan guy even retrieved my 900 iTune songs...I was and am one happy camper...I shouldn't have been so racist...I should've trusted the Samoan...Really, I probably should've trusted him even more than the palagi...Samoans have the ability to treat everybody like family...Or, at least, friends...A white guy probably would've only seen me as a costomer he could rip off...Next time, I'll think twice before I think poorly of a Samoan...I didn't mean to be racist...I think it's easy for all of us to have those glimmering moments of stereotyping and anxiety...But I think I learned my lesson...My computer is like brand new!...

Mmm, California Rolls...

This Maui Divers Jewelery picture has a whole story of its own...I would tell it but it's too long..Remind me to tell y'all later...

I gotta go now...Leave me a comment...What'd you think of that Samoan home remedy?...Do you think I should try it?...Do you have any obsessions this week?...Have you ever had racist or stereotypical thoughts?...Did you learn your lesson?...And did you think I was dead?...Or just on the back of a milk carton?...Did you miss me?...How did you live wihout me?...And have you ever had a up close and personal experience with a faipapa'u? :-)

Miss ya and love ya...

-JOE

"In Hawaiian, Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten."

-from 2002's Lilo and Stitch