White Man on the Side...

Talofa!...Hey, how is everybody?...Well, the King of Fagaima is doin' good...In fact, there's the royal man above, smilin' as he looks over his kingdom...I've been goofin' to my students that I am the master of my village Fagaima...The other day one of 'em said "you're the King of the Frogs!"...You see, Fagaima's roads are littered with dead, smushed frogs because of the flooding...And the driving of cars...Many mornings it's like a game of Frogger...Except I'm a human dodging dead frog carcasses...Hoppin' and tip toe'n' ever so carefully...Anyways, even if Fagaima is the flattened frog capital of Samoa, I'm still the reigning leader of it...With my Green Monster Castle!...All hail Sifi Neman ;-)

Okay, so you can't really tell from the picture above, but this is, in my humble opinion, one of the most pretty houses on this island...We've been coming here for our prayer group meetings on Sundays...It's in one of my favorite villages, Nu'uulli...The inside of the house is especially lovely...It's a charming, summer cabin-like, tropical getaway with a peaceful, gorgeously serene vibe, birds chirpin' and trees swayin' aplenty...Right outside the wonderful home is a beautiful view of the ocean...And it's not a rough or busy ocean...This shore is quiet and relaxed...If I were to stay in American Samoa, this is the house I'd live in...An exotic haven of serenity and simple beauty

An issue I'd like to discuss is something that I am sure most of you will be confused by...I was thinking about it while we had our prayer meeting at this house I adore...The owners of the house are a petite Spanish lady and a palagi man...I guess this white guy is wealthy...And worldly...I was looking at some of their photos on the walls and his wife was telling me all about their life...They've pretty much sailed around the world...And they've focused much of their traveling on the South Pacific...You name it, they've been there...They've visited and have even lived in Tonga, the Marquesas, the Cook Islands, Fiji, Guam, and much, much more...She told me all about their adventures...From making tea and growing crops in Tonga to becoming local celebrities in Tahiti...The Spanish lady's white hubby seemed like quite an amazing individual...A person living a life I could only dream of...And this is the reason why I feel like I haven't made such strong relationships with the other palagis on this island...I only have maybe about 2-3 good white friends here...And that's not because there's so little of them...The reason I don't have very many caucasion acquaintences is because I don't have that much in common with them...Here are the main traits for most of the white people in American Samoa:

1. Most of them make a lot of money...They have high positions in the government as lawyers or accountants, researchers, managers, etc....Some are doctors or business owners...All I can say is that most of them make much more money than I do...I mean, they have sail boats that they sail around the world with!...Yes, many of them like to sail on the weekends...Sail?!...That's so upper class, posh to me...So classy, with noses stuck up...I can see 'em now with their short shorts and white sweaters drinkin' champagne and eating caviar...I know, I know...It's stereotypical...But I'm right outta college and I'm workin' as a public school teacher...I feel very disconnected to most of these white people on the island...I can hardly afford a bus ride to Pago Pago...I cannot even dream of buying a sail boat...Or those organic, health-conscious, expensive foods available only at our pricey warehouse store...The most expensive food I eat?...Chili dogs with shredded cheese!...

2. Most palagis are married and have families...And almost all of them are extremely religious...I'm a single guy who is an on-again, off-again, bemused atheist...Sure, I can go to their house for dinner or cards...But their kids are gonna be runnin' around like wild animals as we drink plain iced tea and eat salad...Oh, and they pick me up in their mini-van with sticky cheerios on the seats...And they'll be reciting bible verses to me the entire night as we try to be quiet as not to wake up the five babies...It's like a night at the Flanders from the Simpsons...Is that fun?...Eh, not to me...

3. Most of the white people on this island are very intellectual and scholarly...Not only have they went to fancy, respected universities and have graduated with smart, admired degrees, they've also been intelligent all of their lives...They've been the honor roll students...The intellectual brains who focused on their academics their whole lives...They're A+ students...I bet many of them had supportive parents who were also university educated...And well-off, too...I was a B student at best...And I hated school...I skipped out a lot...I'd smoke weed with friends instead...I'd drink on the weekends...I also was just never smart...I mean, I was never in the advanced courses...I was always average and below average...Mostly because I didn't like doing school work...But I also wasn't one of the intelligent kids...I had to study twice as long as most students...And I'd have to have things explained two or three times before I understood it...It took me longer to do my homework...In other words, I can't find myself connecting to these highly intellectual white people on this island...They begin discussing world political issues or scientific theories or philosophical concerns and I just get lost...My brain begins to hurt...The only thing I'm an expert in is movies and television...I'm a guy who watches hours of Survivor and America's Next Top Model!...And loves corny musicals!...And eats Hamburger Helper!...Do I know anything about the political events in Asia?...Or the formation of coral reefs in Australia?...Or the meaning of Nietzsche?...How the hell can I be friends with these crusty, academic white smarties?...Can anyone answer me that?...



Of course I'm being really judgemental and stereotypical...But this is what I've observed and how I feel...I may be wrong, but it's my true emotions...And I do believe some of what I have said is valid...The other white peeps on this god-forsaken island are way too rich, religious, married, and intellectual for me to really build a strong relationship with...I need my friends from home...Suzy who will become stupid with me as we watch So You Think You Can Dance obsessively...Trish who will drink wine with me and play "Would You Rather?" all night...Tiffany who will go fridge tipping with me...And Kristy who will see cheesy chick flicks with me...Now these friends are exactly what I like...Simple, middle-class, not-too-smart-for-their-own-britches folk...Just like me :-)

I made some green cake and green milk for the Fuamination on St. Patrick's Day...It was the first time the boys had green milk...And I think it was the first time they ever celebrated the Irish holiday...In fact, I don't even think Gene and Sammy knew what St. Patrick's Day was!...The only thing that the boys complained about?...Well, er, they pooped green for days after!...Oops!...My bad...

...(Some people may believe I cheated on the following list because I included "Best of" compilations...Well, these are my favorite albums...What can I say?)...

My Top Five Albums of all Time:

5. Madonna's The Immaculate Collection = Although her Ray of Light is amazing, you can't go wrong with some "Like a Virgin", "Vogue", "Borderline", "Crazy for You", "La Isla Bonita", and "Material Girl"...

4. The Rent Motion Picture Soundtrack = This is the one musical album that I can listen to from start to finish...Every song is a gem...

3. Lauryn Hill's The Miseducation of = An album I know every single lyric to...And, yet, every time I listen to it, I hear something new and inspiring...

2. Bob Marley's Legend = Having a party with friends or just spending the night by yourself?...Pop in this cool, calm, and classic album...Best track?..."Three Little Birds"...

1. Norah Jones' Come Away With Me = The one album that will make my day any day...Soothing and jazzy and perfect for any occasion...Best song?..."The Long Day is Over"...


Let me briefly explain an absolute travesty on the island...If you didn't know already, Gene and Sammy both got jobs at McDonalds, and they've been working hella hard every night after school and on the weekends...Now, I'm not going to describe how proud I am of them...Because you'll think I'm the nerdiest man alive...(Yes, so what if I almost cried with pride when I first saw them in their uniforms?!...And, yes, who cares if I make sure their dinner is ready and clothes are ironed when they come home exhausted at night!?)...But I do wanna express my shock and outrage at how much these boys are getting paid...Gene and Sammy are only getting paid (brace yourselves!) $3.50 an hour!...Yup, that's the minimum wage!...Gene came home with his first pay check the other day and guess what amount it was?!...Come on, just guess...After two weeks and working about 50 hours (which is full time!), his pay check was a measly, heartbreakingly low $164!...Now, Gene was actually satisfied with this check...And I think he was expecting it...I don't know about you guys but I was totally stunned and distraught and enraged by this pay check...$164!?...After two weeks of full time hours!?...These poor boys!...In the states the pay check would have been about double that...I think it's so, so sad and upsetting that they're only gettin' paid $3.50 an hour...They work too hard for such little pay...I can only imagine the tuna factory workers...How can they live off a $164 check?!...

In addition, Gene has to give the entire check to his mom...This is normal in Samoa...Teenagers with jobs give all of their pay check to their parents...Gene's mom will give him some money...In small increments until his next check...But I'm still somewhat angry with this practice...First of all, the significance of having your first job is also beginning to learn how to use your money...How to budget...When I got my first job, I also got my first bank account...And, sure, I spent my money completely unwisely, I still learned the value of a dollar and how hard it is to work for it...I finally learned as a working teenager that money doesn't grow on trees...Gene, I believe, will not be learning these important lessons...It's nice and admirable and noble of him to give the check to his mom...Especially if she's getting paid like he is...I can't even fathom taking care of a family with a $3.50 hourly pay...She has sacrificed her whole life to take care of Gene, and so it only makes sense that she gets taken care of by him a little bit...Besides, he's still a teenager living under her roof...(Actually, mine)...Plus, as I said before, teenagers mostly spend their money on garbage, useless things...Fashionable clothes...The movies...McDonalds...The money is wasted...I can see why it may make more sense to give the pay check to his mom so it can be used to help the family...But I still think there is something wrong with this practice...It's his money that he has worked hard for...And now he still believes money grows on trees because he still has to ask his mommy for money and she magically pulls it outta her purse...He is not learning the art of budgeting and check writing, etc....Things I am still learning about myself...

The Scientology ministers have been on the island for the past month or so...They've been preaching their word in these yellow tents...Most of the Samoans think the Scientologists are crazy...Because they "believe in evolution!"...I keep trying to tell them that it isn't really a religion...It's more of a way of thinking...And what they have to say is actually very interesting and authentic...Their philosophies on self-improvement and anger management and self-control are things all humans could learn from...I am not a Scientologist, but I do agree with some of what they encourage...I think Tom Cruise has done more damage to this organization than assisted it...Also, people, particularly Samoans, hate the notion that we "came from monkeys"...Why is this so hard for you people to believe!?...

Look at all of that trash!...Look at those ol' tires!...That's what happens when you live on an island...Where do you put the garbage when you live on an island?...It just keeps pilin' up...There's many explanations for these mountains upon mountains of waste...(By the way, did you notice my oh-so-subtle artistic, symbolic photographs of the natural mountains behind the man-made mountains?...Man, I'm brilliant!)...The island's population is growing too big...It's overflowing with people and cars and buildings...The land is actually way too small to hold all of these Samoans...And Koreans...And Palagis...The other explanation is that the idea of recycling is not taught here...Their education in taking care of the environment is awfully lacking...There is no reusing...Or reducing...Or recycling...They just keep producing garbage...Not thinking of the consequences...I wouldn't be surprised if the whole island became one giant Isle of Trash in the future...Well, they're startin' to clean it up now...Piece by fricken piece...I wish 'em luck...

Hmm, okay...I gotta go...Leave me a comment...What do you think of my thoughts on why I haven't grown close to other white people on the island?...Am I being racist?...And a hater?...Am I being pompous myself, thinking I'm better than them?...Am I actually revealing my own insecurities when I ignore them?...Or are my thoughts valid?...How about that minimum wage?...Is it as shocking and disheartening to you?...What do you think about the practice of Samoan teenagers handing over their pay checks to their parents?...Is this selfish of the parents?...Are the teenagers losing out on an important lesson?...Or does it make sense?...Especially to impoverished families?...And what are your thoughts on Scientology?...Do you believe in the Truth of Evolution?...And what do you think the island should do with all of that trash?...I was thinkin' we could make a labyrinth of trash...And charge money for people to explore it!... Oh, and what are some of your favorite albums?...Did I miss any obvious choices?...

Love ya and miss ya...

-JOE

"No luxuries; no, no, amenities

To dull, your senses.

Oh, oh, only primitive.

Hey, hey, really get away

to the Island of Lost Souls"

-from Blondie's "Island of Lost Souls"