A Stone's Throw Away...

Oi, sole...So, I suppose I knew the latest entry I wrote would've sparked some interest...But I didn't know I'd get totally reamed out!...Nah, just kidding...Thanks for the advice everyone...Just to let you know, I didn't see him this weekend...Though, who knows about next?!...As important as all y'all's guidance is to me, I'll do by Jon Bon Jovi and believe "it's my life"...The only person on my side was Kourt...I guess us girls gotta stick together ;-)

Oh, and I just wanted to get this off my chest, although I don't want to upset anybody...Especially my loyal, supportive readers...But I never realized that I was the spokesperson for the entire gay community!...Eh, anyways...I still love you guys...

This post should be much more cheerful...And simple...The pics in this entry were taken during a class activity...Since my students are ESL, I try to do as much vocabulary activities as possible...And I try my best to make it interesting everyday...On this particular day, the students acted as mannequins to portray an assigned word...Like a New York City storefront display, they had to express the word with mannequins...Oh, and each presentation had to have a Holocaust tone...It was a cool lesson plan...I'm proud of myself :-)

The issue I wanted to discuss tonight should be brief...In fact, I have a feeling that I may have even talked about this issue before...At one of the football games a few weeks ago, a fight broke out between the students of Samoana High School, Tafuna High School, and Leone High School...I heard it was a pretty viscious, exciting fight...A bloodbath of carnage...Gangs of teenage boys fist fightin' their lil' hearts out...I mean, like 3oo...Without the swords and sandals...But there was a lot of blood, screaming, and testosterone..."Spartans!...Tonight we die in Hell!"...Oh, there was also a bunch of rock throwing...

Which brings us to our topic for this blog entry...It seems to me that Samoans love to throw rocks...Er, they at least accept the throwing of rocks...I see it all the time...During lunch on campus, students pickin' up rocks and throwin' them at eachother...On my walk home, children carrying stones and chucking 'em at other children for the fun of it...Kids here on island throw rocks during playful interactions and angry battles...The other night some kids were tossin' stones at eachother and gigglin' away...Holy was tellin' me about a fight he got into with another kid where him and the kid ended up chuckin' rocks in self-defense...Essentially, the heaving of rocks is normal here...And that's odd to me...I mean, is it just me or are most children in the states taught at a very young age not to throw rocks?...It's sorta crammed into our brains our whole lives...And it becomes second nature to us NOT to throw rocks...I don't think I have ever thrown a rock at somebody...Sure, maybe I've thrown rocks into lakes or maybe even at birds or something...But have I ever pitched a stone at a fellow human being?...I think not...Have I ever lobbed a pebble at somebody just for giggles?...Um, no...Have I ever heaved a boulder at a person in rage?...No, siree...Throwing rocks is dangerous...And, like for most American children, it's been reiterated to me thousands of times that I just don't throw rocks...Not at other people that's for sure...So, why do Samoans do it?...Actually, why do many other cultures around the world do it?...If you think about it, how many times have you turned on CNN and saw villagers of a foreign country hurling stones at eachother?...Or tossin' rocks at army tanks and soldiers?...Sometimes there's riots of rock throwin'...In the Middle East, it seems like it's a war zone of pebble flinging...Really, it seems to be accepted in many other places...Do they not realize that someone could get hurt?...Or is that exactly the reason why they throw 'em?...I suppose I don't truly have an answer for y'all...I don't want to sit here and say that they're more violent or brutish or untamed as Americans...(Even if I do sometimes feel that way)...Maybe it's because they're never taught that throwing rocks is unsafe...Or maybe it's because they are taught that throwing rocks is trecherous and does solve disputes...Or maybe it's because they don't have guns to fight eachother with...I mean, if the USA didn't have guns, I betcha we'd see stones flyin' through the air 24/7...Either way, I'm gonna keep tellin' these Samoan kids to cease the lobbing of pebbles...It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...

These darn teenagers and their ukuleles...When I was a teenager we'd write notes or doodle in class...Maybe listen to our CD walkmans...What happened to the good ol' days?!...Now, all the teens are playin' their ukuleles in class...

Top Five Horror Films that Traumatized my Childhood:

5. Pet Semetary = There's two scenes in this flick that scared the beejeezes outta lil' Joey...First, a small boy gets run over by a semi...I never looked at that semi filled, busy road by the land up north the same again...Second, that evil small boy comes back to life and, while hiding underneath a bed, slashes a victim's achilles heel...I never stepped outta bed the same again either...

4. Poltergiest = Y'all remember that spooky-as-hell old white guy with the black suit and hat?...Yeah, he creeped the crap outta me, too...I still have nightmares of him comin' to the door and grinnin' like a corpse..."Carol Anne, step into the light!"...

3. Audrey Rose = Now this was some random 70's horror film...In the vain of The Omen and Carrie and The Exorcist, this one's about a possessed kid...All I really remember is that fiery car crash scene...With the young girl pounding on the windows and screeching in agony...And who doesn't get chills when saying that name?...Even the name Audrey Rose is sinister...

2. IT = Okay, so this is the 2nd of three Stephen King movies on my list...I suppose he has a gift with expressing the eerie, disturbing, imaginative nightmares of children...Of course, this story had that menacing, wicked clown that would snatch children away when they least expect it...Like when innocently looking down a sewer vent in a nice, quiet, sunny suburb...Eeesh!...Mommy!!!...

1. The Shining = Sure, the small girls in those blue dresses sayin' "come play with us Danny" was frightening...And those moments of Danny murmuring "redrum" was terrifying...But the most horrifying fear this scary film tapped was my fear of an alcoholic father...I mean, I'm not sayin' I thought my dad would go all "Here's Johnny" on me or my family...But the terrorizing, threatening, brutal effects of alcoholism was more petrifying to me than any monster, ghost, or serial killer...Besides, doesn't my dad kinda look like Jack ;-)

Hey, I just have a quick question for y'all...The teachers are supposed to dress up for Halloween and I have no idea what to be...I need it to be cheap and easy to wear...All I can think of right now is to wrap tin foil around my body and (voila!) I'm leftovers...Or cover myself with toilet paper and I can be a mummy...Anyways, give me some ideas...Once again, I can't really buy anything...Unless it's small and can be found at a grocery store in American Samoa...

Alright, everybody...I gotta go...Thanks for the support in reading my weird thoughts about this crazy island...What do you guys think of rock throwing in Samoa?...Why do the kids do it?...Why does it seem like so many places around the world adore chucking stones?...And can you believe I actually wrote about rocks today?!...Oh, and what scary movie traumatized your childhood?...Is Stephen King on your list as much as mine?...And do you think some of you were a little harsh with me on the last blog entry?...Am I a gay spokesperson?...Should I be more responsible?...Are all eyes on me and the gay community?...

Okay...I love you all and thank you so much for reading...Missin' y'all like crazy...Much alofas!...

-JOE

"Either way, you probably won't get off this island alive."

-from Jurassic Park III

You Can Be My Black Kate Moss Tonight...

Talofa!...Well, it's been another week...Is everybody else's days just flyin' by right now?...I'm not going to apologize for being such a poor blogger...Only because I'm sure you've all heard it before and have lost faith in me...What's the point anymore, huh?...I'll try better this week...Anyways, today's blog entry should be exciting...I'm discussing stuff I usually don't discuss...My sex life here on the island...So, brace yourselves for a bumpy ride...Stay tuned for some juicy, oh-so-controversial details on the sex life of a palagi gay man in American Samoa...Lets begin...


First, the pictures in this entry were taken at a waterfall John and I went to...It was one I had never been to...It was alright...Very secluded...And I was proud of myself for climbing up that slippery, wet rock wall to sit behind the waterfall...As amazing as it was to see the water rushing down the rocks like that, I couldn't really relax...I kept picturing myself slipping and falling to my death...Or a stone from above tumbling and cracking my head open...







...(Warning: Do not read the rest of this blog entry if you do not want to hear about Samoa Joe's adventures through sex in the South Pacific...If you are easily disturbed or not ready to read such frank, R-rated situations, then stop reading now...You have been warned!)...

Okay, so a few of you may know about a guy that I have sort've been seein'...It's sorta scandalous and, actually, I really don't like talking about it...You see, the guy, named Sio, is, technically, married...Now, now, don't get too upset...Settle down...Don't get your panties in a bundle...I know, this is wrong and, really, not like me at all...I understand this...But hear me out...Yes, I'm probably just trying to justify my sinful ways...And, as often happens, I may blame my wicked ways on this island...It's so easy to do that...Here are some of my excuses for being with Sio...

First of all, I really began seeing him this year when I first came back...And then I stopped for a while because I began feeling guilty...Well, the last week I have had the urge to see him again...I haven't been with him yet, but the desire is tickling my senses...Although he is married and I am so against being with a married man, I kinda want to see him...I guess for several reasons...I'm an extremely picky, high-maintenance guy who gets turned off easily...I mean, I'm not attracted to very many people...A freckle here or a roll of fat there can quickly make me run the other way...Add a flick of the wrist and a feminine voice and I'm flyin' outta the room like a bat outta hell...But I find Sio to be hella attractive...Sexy even...He's masculine and very straight acting, which is exactly what I want in a guy...I guess you'd expect this from a married man...(Oh, and did I mention he has kids?...Yeah, just two of 'em!)...He's also kinda muscular and athletic...(He's on this year's Tafuna Jets soccer team)...And, what can I say, I'm a fool for brown skin...Milk chocolate goodness floats my vanilla boat!...The other reason why I am feelin' the need to be with him again is, well, I'm a man and I've got needs...Yup, that's a weak, weak reason...But once you've had physical contact (whether it's sex or not) with someone for weeks, it's difficult to wean yourself off of them...Just watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy and you'll discover this...Besides, Sio is very passionate and gregarious...I'm usually pretty introverted and indifferent...So, it's always nice to have someone tellin' me they "want me" and they "want to see me tonight"...And he always seems to make decisions for me...Like whether or not to see him some night...Which makes my life easier ;-)

Now, I'll try to give some justifications for being with Sio...Y'all are supposed to shake your heads as you read this and be totally disappointed in me...Y'all should be thinkin' "Joe, you're doing such a stupid, immoral, un-Joe-like action!"...And then y'all are supposed to write me a message after this and tell me I'm goin' to H...E...Double hockey stick...

Here is the main reason why it's alright in my own lil' mind to be with Sio...

Marriage in American Samoa is a odd, atypical thing...From what I've noticed, cheating on your wife or husband is normal...Maybe even expected and accepted...Even though they're highly religious here and "pious", marriage is not taken seriously here...Most of my adult Samoan friends are separated from their spouses...You see, it's a sin to them to get a divorce, but living detached, disconnected lives is more suitable to them...I cannot count how many Samoans I have met that don't live with their significant others...There are at least five or six married teachers at Tafuna High School that are "separated" and still go out to the bars every weekend to get action from random people...I know a couple of male teachers who are married and have kids and are still living like single bachelors and goin' out with other girls all of the time...I know a couple of other teachers that have spouses who live millions of miles away (like the states), yet they live lives like they were never married...Also, many men have several wives in their lifetime...Such as Sammy and Gene's dads who had a ex-wives (plural) and children from all of 'em...Now, Sio is a perfect example of this weird phenomenon in marriage here on island...His wife, off and on, lives in Hawaii with their two kids...She comes to AS every so often to visit and, I suppose, reconnect with Sio...But she's usually gone and they're both usually separated...And they both seem happy with this open, severed relationship...He's told me they both are seeing other people...They don't admit it or even talk about it, but they both know it happens...And it's okay to them...It's very, very anamolous, and I am not about to write a dissertation on why marriage in American Samoa is the way it is...But this is the environment and culture I find myself in right now...In other words, I think it's tolerable for me to be with Sio...I mean, out of sight, out of mind, right?...And if he and his wife approve (or at least ignore) the seeing of other people, then why should I feel guilty for being the mistress...(Wait, what does that make me anyway!?)...The only problem with this justification is that I am almost positive that his wife has no idea he's with a man...I'm sure that would flip her lid if she found that out...To be honest, it kinda flips mine, too...Is Sio gay?...In the closet?...Or is this just another cultural phenomenon I am flabbergasted by?...

I know I may have talked about this before but the whole gay issue here on island is an interesting one...As far as Sio goes, he is like many guys here on island...These men on the downlow can be with men, especially fafafines, and it is accepted...It is seen as just getting some action...Some booty...Doing what all men need to do...Have sex...But there is no open gay community here...There's only three types of gay people...Fafafines...Closeted...And ones like Sio...I don't really know how to categorize ones like Sio...I mean, I guess I don't even consider Sio gay...Maybe bi?...Or maybe just horny?...I don't really know and I guess I try not to think about it...However, this is another reason why it probably isn't great to be with Sio...Is he using me for sex?...Is there any potential for a future relationship?...Does his closetedness lock me in the closet, too?...In other words, does this secret friendship bring shame to me and my sexual orientation?...Too many questions to ponder, too little time...I could sit here and worry about this Sio situation and try to answer these questions and hurt my brain by trying to figure out who this guy is and what this culture's sex life is...But instead I'll just watch an episode of Desperate Housewives...And invite Sio over on Friday night ;-)

Oh, just one more thing...This is sorta off topic but it does deal with sex...And, in a way, it may answer the questions I was asking above...Once again, I may get a little graphic...Um, er, well, you see...Here in American Samoa, the men consider a blow-job to be the same as masturbation...Which I think is alarmingly hilarious...I mean, people on island believe getting a blow-job is as harmless as jackin' off...So, the men are allowed, in a sense, to get blow-jobs on the side, even if they're married...Because they themselves and their wives, I suppose, deem blow-jobs as innocent...When I ask them about this belief, they say it's meaningless because when they are getting their blow-job they are dreaming of their wives and girlfriends...So, it's just like masturbating...I tell them that it's completely NOT the same thing...When fufuing (or masturbating) you are alone...When getting a blow-job, you are having a connection with another person...An intimate, sexual bond...That's utterly cheating, in my opinion...I am so not letting my boyfriend or husband get blow-jobs on the side...Like it's french fries or something...A blow-job means so much more than that to me...Therefore, this could explain why it's standard for men to be with other men...I mean, if they see blow-jobs as insignificant as masturbating, then it doesn't really matter who they're getting the blow-job from...In reality, the men who are getting blow-jobs from other men are, by their own admittance, imagining their wives and girlfriends...Wait a second...Now that I think about it...Is Sio thinkin' of his wife and girlfriend while with me?...Hot damn!...That little rascal...

Alright, y'all...What do y'all think?...Should I go ahead and be with Sio again?...Or should I stay far, far away?...And what do you think about this so-called gay community in American Samoa?...Should I start some kind of alliance or organization or something?...How about these husbands on the downlow?...And these closeted men?...Oh, and do you think a blow-job is as harmless as masturbating?...And am I goin' to hell for being with a married man?...Remember, be gentle with me...Don't make me cry :-)

Love ya and miss ya...

-JOE

"Are you from an island, girl? The way you're winding it for me, girl? Like woah!"

-from R. Kelly's Slow Wind

Shiny, Happy People...

So, it's official...I have become that dreaded of all things...I have become the monster I never wanted to create...I have allowed the wickedness, the horrible demon of busyness to consume my soul...Oh, yes...It has happened...It is TRUTH...As hard as it is to accept, it is real...I have become your worst nightmare...In fact, I've become my own worst nightmare...Yup, I have become (gulp!...Take a breath!) a once-a-week blogger!!!...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!...The horror!...

I really do apologize for not writing an entry for an entire week...We've had midterms and parent-teacher conferences and much, much more...Oh, and there's a little high school musical I'm producing...Anyways, let us begin this entry immediately...

The pictures in today's blog entry were taken at our Mr. and Miss Tafuna Pageant...It's a pageant held at the high school every year where Seniors put on a sort of fashion and talent show...The male and female winners of this pageant are crowned Mr. and Miss Tafuna...They become mini-celebrities here on island...Going to special events, speaking at school assemblies, and even posing in a island calendar...But the most significant prize is this title of being Mr. and Miss Tafuna...The show, which was ten times better than last year's, was extraordinary...I mean, really, really amazing to watch...The kids put on an absolutely gorgeous show...I truly hope y'all appreciate these pictures and videos and notice the passion they put into this beautifully artistic pageant...In this blog entry I will be mainly describing this wonderful show...

The pair of images that opened today's blog are actually of my Cinderella and Prince Charming...(I say "my" like I own them or something)...Tino, who deservedly triumphed in the pageant being crowned Miss Tafuna, is the young lady at the top...Isn't she lovely?...Geno is the young man below her...He's wearing his Warrior Wear, which I'll explain later...He didn't win the competition...Although, he did get 2nd place...I personally think he should've won...I think he did an excellent job...But maybe I'm a little biased...Him being my Prince and all...

Essentially, the pageant is like any other beauty pageant...Like Miss America or Little Miss Sunshine, the show is comprised of different categories like Traditional Wear, Warrior Wear, and Evening Wear...And there's, of course, a Talent and Question category, as well...Even though it sounds like a fashion show, it's actually more of a cabaret...An entertaining, Las Vegas-style performance with music, acting, and costumes...The couple images above are of the Warrior Wear category...Notice how Kona and April went the Spartan, Greek warrior route...Geno, in the picture that opened the blog, wore a traditional Samoan Warrior outfit...Both of these costumes were hella tight, man...I so wanted to put them on and kick some bloody ass...

All of these costumes were custom made in local sewing shops...I've heard the fashions were extremely expensive, and many guessed that the contestants spent about $1000...Most of the contestants are from rather wealthy families...For example, Kona's dad used to play for the NFL, Travis' dad owns a series of grocery stores on island, Tino's dad is a influential government official, and Geno's family owns a recycling company...But I didn't care that only the rich kids were in the pageant...Because the magnificence of the work they put into the show was astounding and awe-inspiring...

There's my Cinderella again...And the new Mr. Tafuna...His name is Alex, and for his Question category he had to answer "Who is your favorite teacher?"...And who do you suppose he said?...Yeah, yours truly..."Mr. Neman!"..."Because he makes learning fun everyday and makes the kids enjoy reading and writing!"...I was in the audience clapping and cheering my heart out, a smile spread across my face like a giddy special ed. child...I was all like, "extra points for Alex!"...

During Geno's Warrior Wear category he stormed down the runway and did a bunch of awesome tricks with his spear...He acted like an actual warrior...That image above shows him runnin' into battle...Dass mah Prince Charming...Such the performer...Future Oscar winner...

Here's a bunch of links to some of the videos I took of the pageant...Check 'em out and let me know what you think...They really are worth watching...

Traditonal Wear Siva Dance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7FBcPKDSFo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpraQgHiup4

Tahitian Talent Dance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88EVXVMdDoE

Opening Number:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHznzNcgydM

Warrior Wear:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b4aWklMrVc

Camera Update:

No, I have not gotten my camera back...And, frankly, I suppose I'm sorta over it...I think this weekend I'll be buying a new camera...I hope it's as nice as my old one...Sole, I loved that camera...

This girl, Manilyn, decided to dress as Xena the Warrior Princess for her Warrior Wear...I thought it was kinda ingenious, in a way...

That guy in the two images above is Kona...And this may sound bad coming from a teacher, but that kid could be an Abercrombie model...He's very good looking and popular...His show-stopping, crowd-cheering moment?...When he ripped off his ia and presented himself in nothing but those skimpy, boxer-brief shorts you see above...The girls were screamin' for this oh-so-sexy Spartan...

A new weekly segment I'm starting today is quotes I've loved from my favorite television shows...This was inspired by the first episode of this season's Survivor when one of the players said, rather ironically, "You know, I'm not a religious person, but I have a relationship with Jesus Christ, and the only time I'm going to put my face on the floor is for Him"...I thought that was hilarious...Keep in mind that many of my quotes may be from episodes long past...I've been so busy that I'm behind on many shows...

TV Sound Bite of the Week:

"Oh, my God! Oh, my God, she's alive! It worked. She's alive. She's okay! Everything's gonna be okay. Oh, my God!"

-Izzie Stevens, after she saves the life of Bambi on Grey's Anatomy...

...(If only somebody would've saved the life of a deer for me when I was a boy...Instead, they made me watch them shoot 'em, skin 'em, and forced me to eat 'em for supper...No wonder I turned out the way I did!)...

There's my Cinderella...Prettiest girl at Tafuna High School...

There's my Prince Charming with his partner Theresa...Who is, pardon my bluntness, openly gay...I'm always fascinated with teenagers who come out while still in high school...What an incredibly brave and bold decision...It took me years to come out...Anyways, they sang a splendid lil' ditty about American Samoa...Watch it on YouTube and hear my Prince sing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMnBcOg0Log

This young man did a cool ass torch throwing routine...His moves with the fire were seki...Oh, and those tattoos on his body are fake...But that's what the traditional Samoan tattoos look like...His parents probably didn't allow him to pollute his body with tattoos yet :-)

These next few pics are of the customary, time-honored, ancestral Samoan attire...Almost all of these clothes are made from organic island plants and natural resources such as the trees, flowers, grass, stones, shells, etc....These fashions were not only strange and unique, they were also gloriously complex and breathtaking...

Samoan Knife Dance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Dr0xu7jSvU

Sob Story of the Week:

So, briefly I just wanted to mention some of the events happening back at home while I've been on this island...The last week seems like it's been a significant one for my family back in Wisconsin...I missed my niece, Charlie, in her first big acting production...I missed my big sister going to Oprah, which I still have not been able to do yet...And I missed my little sister becoming 2 inches dialated...(Whatever that means...I guess it means she may have the baby any day now)...One of the most difficult, disheartening things I've learned while being millions and millions of miles away from my family is that life goes on...For both of us...I mean, for some reason, I always pictured life kinda stopping for my friends and family after I left...But realizing that their lives move on without you can be sad and worrisome...I swear, my life becomes more and more like that Tom Hanks movie Cast Away everyday...I sometimes feel like when I get off this island and come home I will encounter the same thing he does in the film...That my family and friends have moved on and forgotten about me...Or maybe even that I will have changed...And moved on and forgotten about them...I know this won't happen...But being stranded on an island does give you that sinking sense of being cast away...

Alright, I gotta finish my laundry, watch some Grey's, and go to sleep...It was nice talkin' to all y'all...What'd you think of the Mr. and Miss Tafuna Pageant?...Do you think you'd ever see anything like that in the states?...Did you watch the videos and what'd you think of them?...Are you in love with my Prince and Cinderella as much as I am?...And is my sob story of the week legitimate?...Or am I speaking crazy talk?...

Leave me a message and send me some love...I miss and adore all of ya...

-JOE

"We both had done the math. Kelly added it all up and she knew she had to let me go. I added it up, and knew that I had...lost her. 'cos I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured, or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So, I made a rope and I went up to the summit to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course. you know me. And the weight of the log snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I - , I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over nothing. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow, I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"

-from the 2000 film Cast Away