Those two images above were of Shawn and Cris and the cast of my Cinderella High School musical...Shawn came to watch their performance one day...On Sunday I'm hoping to post the pictures that were taken on the night of the final performance...Then you can see for yourself how magical the production was...
Speaking of transforming into Mr. Mom...I have noticed many full circle moments since taking care of these boys...Especially in regards to my mom...You see, I'll have these subtle, quiet moments with the kids every once in a while where I suddenly, miraculously feel what my mother must have once felt...It's hard to explain but it's not quite like deja vu, but more like I've actually been taken back in time and put in my mom's shoes...I can, in these moments of loving my usos, literally understand exactly what my ma may have been feeling and thinking...It's like what Oprah would call a "Ah-ha" life moment...I can see my mom's life through her eyes...Kinda creepy, I know...But it's also kinda wonderful, in a way...I can finally validate the emotions, from the pain and the joy and everything in-between, my mom was experiencing as she took care of us...As children we do not notice our parents' sentiments...We don't really comprehend their struggles and their thoughts...Even, I believe, as teenagers we don't really appreciate their work...And it's not until we're parents ourselves that we, at last, value our own parents' bravery and work and love...I don't know, maybe I'm crazy...(Mainly because I'm not an actual parent...These are not my own offspring at all)...Or have other parents out there felt the same thing?...Well, here's my list of these top five moments...
My Top Five Moments I Saw Through My Ma's Eyes:
5. Bathroom Moments = First of all, teenage boys are pooping lil' beasts...All they do is shit and eat...And cleaning the bathroom every week is disgusting...Now, I do usually make the boys clean it for their chores, but there are times here and there where I'll clean it...I remember when I was a kid (even a teen) mom would get done cleaning the bathroom (blasting some tunes as she cleans...Um, I do that, too!) and then I'd unexpectedly have to use the toilet...She would become so frusterated and angry, yellin' "I just cleaned it!"...Well, this happens to me all the time...I work my butt off scrubbin' the floors and shinin' the poop chute and then they go and turd in it again...Those lil' bastards...Sometimes I make them wait because I want a spotless bathroom for a little bit longer...Aren't I cruel?...
4. Dinner Moments = I always remember wondering why mom didn't really eat with us...I mean, were we that annoying as kids?...Although she did eat dinner and stuff with us every so often, she would mostly wait to eat her own supper til after we had gone to bed or up to our rooms...I cannot believe that I have begun to do this, as well...But after a long day of working and then coming home to a full house where cleaning and cooking and helping must be done, eating my food in peace and silence makes the food taste better...And the moment much more calming and fulfilling...Yes, I do eat dinner with them all the time...In fact, we often eat dinner around the table with grace even being said...Which is nothing like I experienced when I was younger...But there's many nights during the week where after I am done cooking dinner, I'll make my plate, cover it with tin foil, and place it aside...I'll serve the boys and when they have finished and after the kitchen is cleaned and the house is serene, I'll get out my plate and chow down...There's something tranquil about eating dinner in stillness and after all the chores are done...Serenity now!...
3. Homework Moments = I can see it now...Me, as a grade schooler, and mom sitting at the dining room table in our house on Hartwell fighting over homework...Since I was horrible at math (always has been), I remember getting so pissed off at how I couldn't do it...And I would ask mom for help and she couldn't because the homework was too difficult even for her...I can picture myself having a temper tantrum, upset and irritated that my mom was powerless in giving me the answers to my homework...I can now confirm how my ma must've felt...The boys will come home all the time with homework I don't understand myself...And then they get aggravated that I can't help them...And then we get in arguments...That feeling of helplessness and then having your children get mad at you for it is a horrid, hella infuriating experience...Add onto this tension of nightly homework the application process for college and financial aid and the night becomes an utter stress-fest...I can only imagine how my ma must've felt fillin' out all those FAFSA forms and applications and stuff...Along with taking care of the family...You'd think it would be easier to take care of a teenager...You thought wrong...
2. Money Moments = I recall back in the day these events where something negative would unexpectedly happen and we'd need money at the most inconvenient time...I can't really pin point a specific moment, but it seems like this would happen throughout our childhood...For example, I'm trying to save up money for Hawaii...I already don't have enough to even afford to pay my bills (my college loans are killin' me!), let alone a trip to the aloha state...So, I've been a penny pincher for a couple of weeks...Well, then, outta the blue, Holy tells me he lost a libary book and he needs to pay for it before report cards are due because he'll get an incomplete in English if he doesn't...He tells me this, naturally, the night before grades are due for report cards...Lemme just first say that I remember always losing my library books when I was a kid and mom giving me a lecture on how I need to be more responsible...Here I am, ten years later, giving the lecture instead of listening to it...Anyways, the book cost about 20 dollars...This couldn't have come at a more inopportune time...Although his mom said they'd pay me back, I still knew I couldn't afford it...It was just so untimely...Also, Gene tells me he needs 20 dollars for his diploma fee or something that was also due the next day...(What's up with kids wating till the day before to inform their parents of significant happenings?!)...His mom didn't have the money because she just paid for his $100 cap and gown...Once again, he tells me this when I am already as broke as all get-out...I now understand how mom felt when these moments occured with us...These unexpected twists that make saving up cash almost impossible...It's these moments that make a hand to mouth life possible...(By the way, these two times are the first times the boys ever asked for this kind of help...Surprisingly, monetary aid like this is never what the boys need...So, don't think they're taking advantage of me...Well, I don't think the are)...
1. Family Moments = You know, there are many times where I feel like the boys are using me...Taking advantage of my home and food and money...And then there's moments where I know deep down in my heart that there's no way in hell they're using me...That I mean something to them...That I'm their family...In fact, sometimes I feel like I'm their best friend...When they come to me and begin non-stop talking or when they come into the kitchen and high-five or even hug me or when they step in my room while I'm sleeping and wake me up just to chat...These are the moments I am validated with a mood of family and love...I am quite positive mom had these moments, too...And it seems these moments are balenced with those moments where it appears you might be taken advantage of...I mean, I will often get this dreadful, sickening emotion of being used after I feel the boys have disrespected me or my care has gone unacknowledged...I know this sounds awfully nerdy but I'll even find myself crying because I feel like my work for the boys has not been validated...I think there may have been moments like this for my mom, too...Especially for a single mom...I know we probably asked a lot from her...We were spoiled rotten and I know we just simply didn't stop asking her for things...And I feel like that with the boys...All they do is ask me for stuff..."Neman, I'm hungry"..."Neman, can you help me with my History stuff?"..."Neman, can we rent a movie tonight?"..."Neman, do you think I should ask Sheila out?"..."Neman, you got any deordorant?"..."Neman, can I use the internet?"..."Neman, where's my shirt I left on the table?"...I mean, it's non-stop...Sometimes they forget to even say "hi" and "how are you?" to me...It's times like these where I feel abused...I feel my love has gone unnoticed and is being used unfairly...I don't know for sure, but, as I said before, I'm sure ma felt this way many times...Of course, there's those moments of family and love that far outweigh these moments of hurt...I know in my heart the boys need me and care for me and appreciate me...But sometimes my head (and my wallet) thinks otherwise :-)
Just as a sorta side note, the other night Sammy, Gene, and I got into a fight...It seems like we get into fights every 2 weeks or so...But this fight was a big one...Essentially, it was about me thinking they were using me...(I took them to the movies and an endless river of unthankfulness followed)...And then they got into an argument between themselves...By the end of the night all three of us had tears streamin' from our eyes...We were cryin' while saying our apologies...What a bunch of girly men, huh?...You'd think we were a trio of BFF chicks...But, nope, we're usos...Bradas...It's a good ol' fashion bromance...
Oh, and just in case you were wondering, my Christmas was alright...Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be...I definetly don't like Christmases here in American Samoa...Although they're mega Christians here, December 25th is just another day...There's nothing really special going on...And there's parties all over the place...Not nice family parties...These are like drunken, wild, frat parties...They even shoot fireworks and cannons here...Christmas Eve night was so loud and obnoxious that I actually got sad...I missed Wisconsin where Christmas Eve nights are quiet, peaceful, and holy...A night of rememberance and family...A silent night...I also got depressed when I called my nieces and nephews up on Christmas morning...The salty tears spewed out when Charlie began telling me what she got from Santa...And then I lost it when Claudia began telling me over and over again how she missed me and loved me...Dat girl can make a grown man cry!...But I'm still really proud of myself for doing it...It was almost a goal of mine to spend Christmas away from home...Now that I've accomplished that goal, I feel I am a little bit stronger...I feel like I'll appreciate Christmas more now...Or something cheesy like that...Either way, from what I heard, it was just another Christmas bak home...Same old, same old...Maybe I didn't miss that much afterall...In fact, maybe this Christmas, although lonely, was one of my best ones...It was unique...And memorable...Will I remember this Christmas for the rest of my life?...Probably...How about the next one when I'm back home in Waukesha?...Eh, doubtful...
Okay, I gotta go...Leave me a comment...Don't disappoint me...Have you had similar full circle moments?...Do you understand your parents more now?...Do these kids mean way too much to me?...Are they using me?...Or do they see me as family?...Does this bromance disturb you?...And do you cry nearly as much as I have been?...Oh, and are you as excited for my Hawaii trip as I am?...
TTYL...I'll post again on Sunday...So, keep reading...love ya and miss ya...
-JOE
"Take me to the islands,
Put my feet in the sand.
Rockin' to and fro with the rhythm of the ocean,
Singin' Silent Night
with the palm trees a'glowin'.
Don't you think it's a pretty good plan?
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan."
-from Kenny Chesney's "All I Want For Christmas is a Real Good Tan"
Aloha, everybody...Well, it has finally come...The day I leave for Hawaii...This post is gonna be mostly pictures...I didn't realize how busy I'd be today, and now I only have about 45 minutes before I catch my ride to the airport...This vacation to Waikiki and the island of Hawaii will last until January 10th...So, expect the next entry to be posted by maybe the 11th...
There's the curtain goin' up...It's the first time Tafuna High School has had a genuine curtain on their stage...And I guess they're gonna keep it for future presentations...I'm proud that my show was the first to use it...In a way, without my show there'd be no curtain...The curtain means a lot to me...I know to y'all it just seems like a piece of fabric...But it actually symbolizes the musical...The frame for Cinderella...And now that the school is keeping it for future generations, I've kinda left my legacy...I mean, I've literally made a mark on the school...With a symbol, the theater curtain, of art and performance...It's a cool feeling...One I may not have again in my life...
This picture is hilarious...It's my wicked Stepmother...I accidently told her to wear her costume on this night of practice...Well, she was irritated that she was the only one wearing a costume...I just kept laughing...Probably not the most professional thing...But look at her...She's great...
There's Donato, the Wicked Stepmother...I never told y'all the drama that I recieved when I chose this fafafine for our villianous bitch...The principal honestly wanted me to change the actress because she felt the audience would laugh and shout things like "faggot" during the performance...I told her then that is the audience's problem...In fact, I told her that it was the administration's problem...I told her "we need security there to protect Donato and my other actors and to keep the peace"...I was shocked by her proposal but I was victorious...Donato was my Wicked Stepmother...Even if she was a he playing a she...
Lemme just explain something about those pictures above...I was absolutely horrified by the scenery...The Art Department was responsible for it, and it was nothing like I desired...I drew about 10 sketches and wrote a ton of proposals explaining in detail what I wanted the scenery to look like...It's almost nothing like what I was expecting...I suppose it still turned out...And I was so focused on perfection that I was bound to be disappointed by something...The scenery was one of those disappointments...
Y'all wondering why I titled this blog entry "A Slipper Made of Glass is Not Just a Shoe"?...Well, because two of my dreams have come true in this month of December...First of all, directing the island's first high school musical was a dream of mine for the past two years...And, of course, that came true...Second, I'm going to Hawaii...Which has been a dream of mine for the past few years...You know, I actually was first planning to teach in Hawaii...Remember that?...But then I realized how expensive that place would be...And then sunddenly my friend Lisa came to me with a proposition about an unknown place in the South Pacific called American Samoa...Wow, I wonder how different my life would've been in Hawaii...But I don't have any regrets...American Samoa has been good to me...And the experience has been a dazzling, inspirational, emotional roller coaster ride...Life is thrilling...Exactly what I've always dreamed for my life...An adventerous life with excitement and unexpected twists and turns...Nothing mundane here on Tutuila...Well, now I finally get to at least visit the island I've dreamed about for years...Hawaii!...Anyways, the glass slipper in the classic fairy tale is more than a shoe...It's a metaphor for a dream and that dream coming true...I've had two glass slippers in one month!...And they've fit perfectly! :-)
I am so excited to show you all the actual pictures from the performance...Don't worry, I'll post them soon...And maybe I'll write about the experience of producing this production in more detail later...I can't tonight...I gotta pack!...
Alright friends, family, and loyal blog readers...I hope you come back in a week and a half to learn all about my vacation to the big Aloha State...Leave me a comment about the musical or about my dreams comin' true...Hey, tell me if your dreams are comin' true...Hell, what are your "glass slippers"?...
